Archive for I’m a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N

Butterflies in my tummy…

May 17, 2009 · Filed under I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, Work

I’ve actually been having them fluttering around relentlessly in my little tummy ever since I found out I got the job.

Strange eh.

But the truth is, I never expected to get the job and given the very lengthly job description and duties, of which many I have never had experience doing, coupled the words of one of the interviewers saying “stress includes having to change the entire background colour of the banner for the next morning’s event”, make for the perfect concoction of jittery nerves and anxious thoughts.

Will I be able to meet their high standards?
Will I be able to do well the tasks I’ve been assigned to?
Will I be able to work well with my colleagues?

Sigh. My usual worry-wot self is appearing in full-force and I have a bad feeling it’ll be causing a less than restful sleep tonight and will last right up till I finally step foot into my new office at Marine Parade. That said, I still have to go down to the main office at Bras Basah first, to finish up all the necessary and final HR procedures and then make my way down to Marine Parade. By then I’d be grateful just to have made my wobbly legs take me all the way to my final destination (pun not intended…).

Yet with all this worrying, it got thinking.

When I’m afraid and anxious, the first person I turn to is God in prayer. Whether with my eyes closed or silently in my heart, its a natural reaction that always bring peace and calmness at the very moment I need it. I’m not saying it’s an immediate or sudden disappearance of all nervousness, but rather, the peace really does come at the right time, God’s time. Like how I started off the interview babbling like an idiot but slowly gained composure and spoke with confidence. Same goes for exams where I tend to scribble strange introductions, but manage to churn out decent and somewhatttttt intelligent paragraphs and finish my essay on time!

So then, how about those who don’t know the Lord Jesus as their personal Saviour? Who do they turn to?

Their close friends, a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents… sure these people are vital in giving support and advice, but they do not know the future unlike God. He who has already gone before us, knows exactly what is going to happen and only has our best interests in mind is the only one we can put our wholehearted trust in.

Tomorrow will be exactly the same as any other anxious situations I’ve had to go through. God knows that though my heart is frightful and fast-thumping, I still take every event as a chance to learn to trust in Him more and more. He allows me to go through each and every circumstance knowing that it reminds me of how silly I am to worry so much when honestly, it turns out ok. And even when it doesn’t, God still allows me to see the good in it.

It is no wonder then that my favourite verse and promise from God’s word is Romans 8:28.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Further down in verse 31, it says “If God is for us, who can be against us?” How much more of a reassurance do you need!

If I’m not to exhausted or overwhelmed from work, I promise to write about my first day, if not week, at my new job. Though there’s no way I can know or predict the details, I can safely say that everything will turn out alright because I know God was there with me each step of the way!

I’m casting my cares aside
I’m leaving my past behind
I’m setting my heart and mind on You, Jesus

I’m reaching my hand to Yours
Believing there’s so much more
Knowing that all You have in store for me is good, is good!

Today is the day, you have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it
Today is the day, you have made
I will rejoice and be glad in it

And I won’t worry about tomorrow
I’m trusting in what You say
Today is the day!

~Lincoln Brewster, Today Is The Day

(:

Leave a comment »

Sometimes all we need is a little reminder…

March 27, 2009 · Filed under I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N

God does work in mysterious ways, especially when He wants to teach us a lesson.

Today, I got a lesson on trust.

For those who don’t really know, I am somewhat the perfectionist, which often results in me being the worry-wort.

But today, He showed me how my over-worrying affects not only me, but also others around me because I tend to get so worked-up (over nothing much really) and become petty, sensitive and just a plain pain in the butt.

Sigh.

It was a much needed reminder that I still have yet to learn to totally put my trust in Him. Even when I pray, sadly, I admit I still feel so anxious, almost like there’s doubt and incomplete committment and surrender of my worries to Him who knows what will happen tomorrow.

The song “I Will Boast” by Paul Baloche also touched my heart as I was listening to it on my ipod on the way home.

“Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom
Or the strong man boast in his strength
Let not the rich man boast in his riches
But let the hum-ble come and give thanks
To the One who made us, the One who saved us

I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One Who’s worthy
I will boast in the Lord my God
I will boast in the One Who’s worthy, He’s worthy ”

Truly, we as man, sinful man at that, have absolutely nothing worth boasting about. We are merely made from dust and have consistently and stubbornly gone our own way instead of following the will of God.

But because of his loving kindness and grace, we, who are made in his wonderful image (Genesis 1:27), are blessed and given special and individual talents from God. Whatever unique skills we have come not from ourselves or our own ability to do so, but everything is from God.

So who are we to be boastful when God is the real reason behind our special talents?

This brings me back to being a worry-wort -who am I to argue with what God thinks is “very good” (Genesis 1:31)? What more can I in my limited abilities as a human being do to measure up to what my finite human understanding thinks is “perfection”?

Ultimately, it all boils down to the trust I have in God. What I desire to have is not half, not 7/8 but one that is wholehearted and genuine. And with this trust and surrender to God, one can surely be blessed and feel the peace and joy that comes from our Heavenly Father.

(:

Leave a comment »

Don’t Celebrate too Soon!

February 2, 2009 · Filed under I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, Random Babblings

The interview went well. I actually didn’t feel nervous talking with the interviewer. (whom I suspect is the director of the school, but I could be wrong. I didn’t bother to ask.)

But I won’t take the credit and say I was confident because I was definitely shaking up until the interview started. And then it just faded.

I think it was all the waiting around and anti-climax of the whole process which God allowed to happen. (It just proves the power of prayer! And a very merciful God….)

First of all, I waited like almost 10 minutes all alone in a quiet classroom. And then the HR girl walks in and hands me both the form to fill up and a writing test.

Both at the same time? And she left without telling me how long I had to fill them both up.

So after a while, its about 4.45pm and students start streaming in because there’s a class scheduled to take place at 5pm.

And because of that, I have to grab all my stuff and move out. Good thing I was just about done with my writing otherwise I’d have to do it on an uncomfortably low side table.

The HR girl takes my papers away and then I wait patiently for another 10 minutes without any idea who is coming to interview me.

10 minutes later, my interviewer walks in.

By the time we actually start, I’m already tired out, super sian and just dying to get it all over with. (Note to self: if HR person schedules for interviews to start at sleepy 4.30pm, request for it to be rescheduled.)

So blah blah blah, he asks questions, I essentially bluff my way through (oh admit it. you do it too.) and he shakes my hand and the whole saga is over.

But wait (pun intended), there’s more waiting to be done as he asks to have some of my magazine articles photocopied.

As expected of all good interviewees, I smile and say “Sure! No problem. Take your time with it. There’s no hurry.” And lo and behold, he took my words to heed and the HR girl only came back to return my portfolio a good 10 minutes later. (How long does it take to photocopy a few pieces of paper!)

Of course by now, I’m just itching to get out and find my mum who has been patiently waiting for me. (There’s a whole lotta waiting going on…)

And so we take the train home.

And my mobile phone rings when we are exiting Hougang station.

And I can’t find my phone so I rummage through my bag.

(Here’s the connection with the title.)

And I find the “Visitor” tag that I had to exchange my IC for at the reception.

GAHHHHHHHHHH.

So troublesome I tell you. Now I have to go all the way back to United Square to give them back the tag that I never even bothered to hang around my neck (And hence forgot all about it. Yes yes. I admit it was my own fault.) and no one else cared whether I had it on or not.

Boo.

I knew it was too early to celebrate the minute I was freed from the freezing cold room.

But all in all, God really did and does work in our most nervous moments. He never ever leaves us and is there all the time, even if things don’t turn out the way we want it too.

Including the tag I forgot to return.

Leave a comment »

Memories on the Mountains…

July 28, 2008 · Filed under Church, Friends, I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, Personal Quirks, Travel

I actually just wanted to post “Avenue Q is open for booking!” but after watching the church camp photo video montage (mum requested to see it on our tv), I felt like sharing a little bit about the camp.

Even before the camp, God was already teaching me much, especially since I was in-charge of games (again) this year. During one of the committee meetings, I remember the committee members saying they wanted something more from the games this year, like a “structured experience” not just for the finale night game but also on Wednesday night, leading up to the must-have-without-fail fruit fair.

It seemed like a good and exciting idea at that time, but little did Jun Qiang and myself realise how much work we had gotten ourselves into.

I met up with Amanda one evening to discuss games and we sat at Starbucks for hours cracking our heads. How were we going to make the program seamlessly move into the game? How were we going to involve all the campers? Were they going to get the game? Were they even going to realise the game has started?

Thank God that by the end of the night, we did come up with something. By then, we were exhausted and a gallon of creative juices had been wrung dry.

The finale night planning was the worst. Busy schedules prevented the games committee (made up Jun Qiang, Amanda, Nat and myself) from really getting together and brain-storming. Things dragged on until we really started panicking two Sundays before the camp. I remember we had a meeting after church until 3pm and then met again at Jun Qiang’s house at 6.30pm. That meeting (including dinner of course) lasted way after 11pm. Once again, another exhausting and frustrating meeting, but at least we accomplished the basic storyline. Haha. And thanks to Jun Qiang, we all got sent home!

During the camp, all three games, including the indoor games on the second day, were each different learning experiences in itself.

For the indoor games, after a particular game, our super-competitive campers started a rather big dispute with regards to the rules of the game. I, honestly, was taken aback and quite confused as to how I should address the situation. But thank God for my other game com members who were a little less confused and more calm than me. We huddled together and came to an agreed solution that although didn’t appease everyone, allowed the games to carry on and everyone continued having fun.

The fruit fair game was the most trying for me. While planning, Amanda and I overlooked a lot of details that were never addressed even during the game itself. A lot of miscommunication, hiccups and a lack of foresight led to a very messy start, hasty changes during the game and a dramatic ending. I was at my wits end and very very very discouraged at how everything was turning out. While I was in my corner as the “banker”, I remember just wanting to cry.

But every time I wanted to, someone would show up at my “bank”, or a committee member would say that the campers are actually having fun and getting the game, or an encourager would appear with assuring words. Looking back, I realise perhaps how childish I was to let my emotions so easily overwhelm me when the situation really wasn’t that bad. I do take myself too seriously at times and tend to take the entire blame when something goes wrong. But when it all ended, I had even more encouraging words, thank yous and a hug from a friend.

The finale was well-worth all our time and effort. I wouldn’t say it went smoothly without a hitch (as again, there had to be so many last minute changes) but it was fun fun fun. Even though we always have a drama night at every church camp, I think we brought a little something this time, involving everyone from start to finish.

Most importantly, God touched my heart during the camp again. Besides the games, God made sure I had a lesson to learn from each day’s message. Being “Complete in Christ” took on a whole new meaning for me. And I thank God, it wasn’t just a “church camp high”, but a feeling that is still burning in my heart.

Though many things happened throughout the camp, I still want to go back to the mountains with its cold morning breeze, the cool serenity, God’s creation surrounding me, the clean crisp mountain air, the delicious scones and of course, the memories.

Next June, anyone?

(:

Leave a comment »

I am a Christian.

July 2, 2008 · Filed under I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N

When I say … “I am a Christian,”
I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin’.
I’m whispering “I was lost,
Now I’m found and forgiven.”

When I say …”I am a Christian,”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble,
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say … “I am a Christian,”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak,
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say … “I am a Christian,”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed,
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say … “I am a Christian,”
I’m not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible,
But God believes I am worth it.

When I say … “I am a Christian,”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches,
So I call upon His name.

When I say … “I am a Christian,”
I’m not holier than thou.
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace somehow.

-Maya Angelou

Comments (1) »

Thanking God for the Little Little Things…

June 18, 2008 · Filed under Church, Friends, I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, Personal Quirks

Most of the time, we take things for granted that we don’t realise it’s actually God at work.

Caught up with quite a few things to do, I couldn’t join the girls earlier at 2pm for the Sisters’ Retreat. I smsed Estee and she told me about worship and workshop happening later at 7:45pm. But by the time it got to around 5pm, I was just so “nua” and lazy to go all the way down to church (this is serious laziness speaking here, since church is just a straight bus and 15 minutes away). Then, we got a call from my cousin Dennis who said he was popping by. Hmm, I thought to myself, excuse not to go because I’ve got visitors!

Initially, they had only planned to stay for a while as they were due for dinner at home at 7:30pm. Interestingly, they decided to stay till my dad came home at around 7:15pm. And that’s when Dennis offered to send me down to church.

Honestly, if he hadn’t offered, I think I would have been perfectly contented to stay at home and justify it with some crappy reason. But thank God Dennis came because I had a good time with my two nieces (laughing our heads off at Mr. Bean and talking about Hannah Montana, Cory in the House, Zack and Cody, iCarly and the Jonas Brothers) and of course, the free ride down to church!

I also felt apprehensive about going for the sisters’ retreat but those worries were quelled the minute I got there. I haven’t been to YF for the longest time ever and was worried about not being able to talk with the younger sisters. Thankfully, Amanda was there and the younger sisters were so sweet, talkative, funny and friendly. Strangely enough, I felt like a big sister! Haha. Definitely not in terms of size though. :p

We had a good, albeit short, time worshipping God together with our beautiful voices, embarrassing ourselves while playing games and listening to Stephanie share during the workshop. She shared about emotions and how even Christians (and not just hormone-raging teenagers) have trouble controlling their emotions. I couldn’t agree more with her…

Comments (2) »

Complete in Christ

June 14, 2008 · Filed under I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N

It’s truly amazing how much God loves His little children.

Take me for example:

In all honesty, going for the church camp was just a chance to go for a holiday, survive the message and discussion sessions and have fun (which is hard not to do with Amanda as my roommate). This is pretty much the mindset I have for every church camp. This time however, God had plans for me.

Disclaimer: At this point of the post, I think its going to be a pretty long entry. It also contains some rather personal sharings. Possibly, it might be one of the most wordy, emotional and honest post you’ll get in a long while.

Back to our usual programming…

I’ve pretty much been a christian all my life. My parents are christian and brought both my brother and I to church since we were born. There was never the feeling of persecution or difficulty going. In fact, as time went on, especially during the teenage years, actually wanting to go (and by this I mean, whole-heartedly wanting to go to church) became rare. When you saw me in church, it was more because of routine and for my parents’ sake (and of course, so that they wouldn’t nag). My parents, being the nice people they are, didn’t force me to carry on going to YF either and I finally stopped when they stopped asking me about it. Don’t even bother to ask me about QT. I can’t even remember when was the last time I did it faithfully and regularly.

This year’s camp theme was “Complete in Christ” with our speaker being Mr. Kenneth Wong (yes, I know, he shares the same name as my brother, but spare it, it’s such an old joke).

Interestingly, as sleepy and tired as I was, a lot of what Kenneth Wong shared left as impact on me. Many questions about how I have been living started whizzing through my half-dead brain.

To me,
Being complete in Christ means my identity is in Him. And this means chasing after him instead of the material things of this world which will die, fade away and be forgotten.

Being complete in Christ means communion with God. And this means knowing Him through the daily reading of His word, praying with thanksgiving and being still before His presence.

Being complete in Christ means serving Christ as our master. And this means we have to get our relationship with Him and those on earth right.

Being complete in Christ means having union with Him. And this means keeping my body clean and pure for Him as He is blameless, sinless and pure.

Sadly, the truth is I cannot answer an affirmative and confident YES to any of the above.

I have been chasing after things of this world.
I have not been spending time with my Heavenly Father daily.
I have been impatient and compromising in the relationships I have.

So what do I do now?
It’s scary just thinking about it, even before typing it down because I know the changes I have to make.
And we all know that change is difficult, requires lots of perseverance and necessary strength from God to make it. Perhaps, a little pain, tears and adjustments thrown in as well.

As difficult as the road ahead is going to be, immediate or otherwise, seems, I don’t think there’s anymore time for me to be in the state I’m in.

I’m reminded of the kid’s song “Life Without Jesus is like a Donut”. I remember hearing it once when I was a really young girl from the Donut Man video series and it has been stuck in my head all these years. Never would I imagine that all these while, God was reminding me of how empty I really am, because as and when, this song would always pop up in my head.

It’s true isn’t it. A donut is sweet, with pretty coloured toppings, frosting and other yummy stuff. It also looks perfect, round, soft and smells oh-so-good. But thats just the outside. Inside, it’s hollow, empty. Worst, it’s actually imperfect with a hole being cut out.

Now I have to find that cut-out.

When Benny led “Be Thou My Vision”, I teared. For those who don’t know, its a hymn:

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

For the hymn-writer, Christ is his vision, thought, light, wisdom, dwelling place, weapon, dignity, shelter, treasure, ruler over all.

Pretty much everything in life yes? All aspects of His life, what he needs, he finds in all in Him.
I don’t even think I can claim half as much as what the writer so confidently declared.

There’s no way I can change anything that happened in the past. But the only way is in His direction for the future.

Pray for me won’t you?

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can’t deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
-jarsofclay

Comments (2) »

Resolutions? I’m gonna let someone else decide for me.

January 1, 2008 · Filed under I'm a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N · Tagged ,

What better way to begin the new year than with a brand new blog? Ok. That’s perhaps one of the most trivial ways to start a brand new year but bear with me will you.

I suppose many of you would be making new year resolutions. I find myself trying to think of some I can set for myself but soon I realise I’m doing it just because it’s the norm. Can we really set goals that will be relevant and applicable throughout an entire year?

As contradictory as it sounds, I do have one so-called goal, and that is to let God guide me and let Him be the one who sets my goals.

To a non-christian, this is probably really silly and as a scientist would put it, intangible. How can I possibly know what God wants me to accomplish or achieve when He seemingly doesn’t exist or is too important to talk to a wee tiny (figuratively speaking, but fine, physically as well) little fallen being like myself?

Through this goal, I hope to achieve another – to open my heart more and be ever-ready to listen to the prompting voice of the Holy Spirit. This encompasses actually studying the bible rather than just reading, and praying with actual conviction, something I of so little faith find it hard to do many a time.

So there. That’s my goal for the new year. Not made because it’s the normal or in thing to do but because there is a burning need and passion in my heart for this little straying sheep to return to her Shepherd.

Have a very blessed and God-filled year 2008 everyone! (:

Comments (3) »